Ms

well exams are long over. and now i have nothing to do. its mainly because i have few, nay, NO interests outside my course. ah. i remember a time when i used to paint and draw and be interesting. but since exams finished all i have done is some unmentionables ( unmentionable because, from what im aware of, family members read this space too.) and sleep. but the sleeping has been wonderful except for a few nightmares of exams and results. and drunken disturbances from the hall. and my dad calling at 2am pretty often (see previous posts)

i spent this afternoon watching Braveheart again.it has put my life into perspective.why am i bothering with Uni and law? its a waste of time.i want to fight the English.

FREEEEEEEEEDOME…!!!

well its near the end now. after (approximately) 15 days and nights of crushing my soul, 25 cans of sugar-free Red Bull, 50 cups of black as hell coffee, 2 mental breakdowns ( not emotional breakdowns. as I HAVE NO EMOTIONS.), a fear of repetitive strain disorder, claiming the title of library bitch (see previous post as to why)…its ALMOST over. i know its wonderfully cliche, but i swear, after the exams, im going to spend one day drinking so much just so i can completely and throughly destroy any memory of the 2 weeks and my brain cells. im not one who drinks. so this is a big surprise, and sounds quite exciting.

anyway,  my topic today is Hand Washing and its Relation to Bi-Polarism:

from always going to the library toilets, and with nottingham having the stupid notion of having one tap which is antarticly cold and one tap which is equatorially hot (made up words…arent i clever.), i notices that i am an extremist of both ends. while most people wash their hands by drifting between the hot and cold, just to even it out, I stick my hand all the way under the cold till the suds are gone and then i stick my hand under the warm just to warm it up. form thsi i can derive that i take the ’suffer first, enjoy later’ stance in life…which is true. i have been suffering for 2 weeks and, my god, i plan to enjoy till my next rounds of suffering start.

why am i doing law? i should be a psychologist….im vvvv astute.

2 days with NOBODY reading my blog. this is unacceptable! read, damn you! im entertaning! i BREED off your amusement and the control i have over your ability to be amused! i live vicariously off you…so read me READ ME. ( i realise youre reading this. now. spread the word)

since my previous posts have been full of nonsense ive decided to buckle down and type a serious post about myself. here are the updates for my friends, foes and fans:

1. ive been studying since exams are rolling in. its v funnny. the english people dont call it ’studying’. they call it ‘revising’. which is a little deceiving since its clearly a little bit of both. but from my experiences it is a well established fact that the english people are not v bright. i suggest genocide. (nono ffs im kidding. how many time have i told you: most of my best mates are english, the guys i date are english, most people i associate with are english. all this racist garbage is just too amuse you. and part of the grand formulation to systematically destroy the colonilists by infiltrating their country and wreaking HAVOC from within. again. im JOKING. or am i??? ahhhhh the mystery….)

2. i have some big plans after exams. one in paticular i cannot say, until i actually do it…of which i shall post photographic evidence. i plan to go dancing. and maybe some liver risking. but in all honesty, its all in attempt to forget the horror of the past 2 weeks. i plan to sleep. and find a post exam pre lectures fling. ive decided flings are better than dating and relationships becuase guys are BASTARDS. am i generalising and taking an extreme position? no. its the truth. ive decided that this year instead of being the played, i shall be the player. i shall do unto guys what they do unto us gullible females. i shall rip their heart of their chest and make them LOVE me.

3. i had one breakdown. which resulted in me ringing my sister at midnight, sobbing and blubbering about how my life is going to be ruined and that i should just quit uni and get married. but shes a rock. i feel loads better now that i got some sleep into my system. and of course, i sat down and had dirty thoughts. dirty thoughts ALWAYS keep me sane.

thats it thus far. i regret drinking the Red Bull i just drank.

when/if i become a litigation lawyer, then interogation and cross examination is going to be central to my success. now. im not a very talented person. im perfect, yes. talented? doubtful. but there are 2 things i can do vvv well: annoy the soul out of someone and be patient while im annoying them. im so persistent in annoying someone that they just give in from sheer exhaustion from dealing with my asinine antics. like the time when i got lauren to make coffee for me becuas i was on the floor watching family guy and could not bring myself to get up and walk the 2 steps to the kettle. or the time i tried getting tom to make soup for me. and it all centres around the golden rule of persistence. i would thus interogate my client as follows (assuming i get into criminal law):

me: did you kill him? client: no. me: did you kill him? client: no.

did you kill him? no. did you kill him? no.

*4 hours later*

did you kill him? YES YES YES YES FOR FUCKS SAKE YES NOW LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

hahahaha. thats how i almost got the soup. in fact ,if chris hadnt been there to intervene and remind tom that im a manipulative bitch, id have gotten the soup. “tom make me soup” ‘no.’ “tom make me soup.” ‘no’ “tom make me soup” ‘make it yourself!’ “i cant. tom make me soup”

it was a bright day today. but on the dark side, the darkness within has jaundiced my perception of the world. it has become a terrible place, essentially. sleeping has become impossible. and its not even by choice…i just cant sleep. ive started to forget peoples names. ive started to forget people period.

on the bright side, however, i was not crushed by a tree today…!!

i come bearing terrible news. albeit…news to some, confirmation for most. it is this: i have become that heinous bitch from Hades which has always been budding deep inside my heart of stone and vacuity of a soul.

its because i practice no discretion with the sharpness of my tounge. or with the hatred and severity of my thoughts.

as most people know, i currently reside in Hallward Library. its a tomb. which is integral to my personification of the Queen of Darkness. this is what ive become: if there is somebody who walks to slowly i dont even say excuse me i just barge in front of them not giving a crap if i banged into them. if somebody is in my way i snap at them. if somebody is too noisy, instead of ignoring them or asking them nicely to shut the hell up i say things like, in a loud whisper, ”can somebody tell the bitches behind me to shut the fuck up.”

 there is much soul searching to endeavour after the exams. mucho mucho. 

a sign that i have been to keen on the topic of homicide in criminal law:

was revising in Hallward tonight when at about 945pm they made their usual announcement ” will all students note that levels 4, 3 and short loan are quiet study areas only. anybody who is found making excessive noise will…” then there was a pause. a very small pause which was then followed by “…will be asked to leave the library.”

during that pause, my empty mind, my idle mind. my evil diabolical mind (there i go using that word again…) made up my own announcement ” will all students please note that levels 4,3 and short loan are quiet study areas only. any student found making excessive noise will be SHOT without warning. thank you.”

whereupon, i started having vivid images of the mild librarians and the bulky tattooed security guards patrolling the library with MK .45s and maybe a grenade or two.

and with that wildy funny thought, i failed to contain my laughter and decided to run round the library looking for chris just so i could let my comic genius out.

in these DARK perilous time, when it gets DARK by 4pm and its still DARK at 7am and you want to try being bright and cheerful, but being DARK and despondent is not only convenient, but also the only possible feeling to have. so you resort to wearing DARK clothes and listen to DARK music ( like Hillary Duff. and Britney Spears…doubt you can get any darker than tt. i mean she sings about being hit. and not being hit just once, but being hit one more time. and by a baby….she is singing about being hit one more time by a baby. if thats not DARK and a little morbid…)

however, to try and lift myself out of the DARKness, i endevour to have as many pleasant thoughts as possible. they include all the dirty things ill do the the hot dudes in the library. and what i would do if i were God. along the latter lines, i was just thinking how convenient it would be to have a portable bladder.

this thought occured to me as my caffine consumption crossed the mark of insanity and as a consequence of dehydration, i compensate by drinking lotsa water ( but also becuase i keep on refilling my bottle as an excuse to walk by the sexy boys. just to look at them. completely innocent. *nymphoooo…..*). thus, i end up peeing alot. which can be quite annoying when im trying to work, and when my concentration is peaking. so it would be cool if, say, when a friend gets up to refill my water bottle, i reach through my throat or ass or wherever not painful, pull out my bladder and say “hey can you empty this for me too?? im kinda busy now…”

 oh good god. im a sick human being. i suffer form something.

 on a more feminist note…listen to the song Try a Little Tenderness. its an afront to women!! i mean…

“women do get weary wearing the same shabby dress..

…she may be waiting, just anticipating, all the things she may never pocess…”

i might dismember a guy who ever trys a little tenderness on me. well. not really.

well im back on the other island. im sure many of you have evinced that im not deathly happy about it. singapore was fabulous. it was HOT. it was SEXY. and it was YUMMY. and it was hot. it rained once, and even then i walked in the rain becuase getting soaked there does not pursue the threat of hypothermia.

hi-lites of the trip:

1. i got into a fight.

i had been awake for a record 33 hours, having flown 16 hours over 8 time zones. exhaustion was merely a word at that point. i was in town, it had just passed midnight on new years day. The place was full of indian construction workers who are reknowned for their lecherous nature. party foam was being sold in abundance. those slimeballs were ardently and arbitarily spraying on everyone. i got sprayed once. twice. and the third time he was messing with the wrong…person. i cant remember most of it due to my sheer tiredness but it was alleged that i scremed “MOTHERF**KER!!!!” before raining punches down on him.

well other than the usual socialising and gluttoning, nothing out of the ordinary happened. it was simply wonderful. i cannot accept that i have to wait 6 months before i depart (15thof june!!!!!)

currently i have moved to hallward. its wildly exciting. well its 105 am. think ill head back, shower and dream of the future which im sacrifising my present for.

on an interesting note, close friends have noticed a pattern in the genre of guys i date: SHORT CUNTS