Ms

1. buy cheese more often. actually i made the same res back in july ( http://walkingcontradiction.blog.com/3398267/ )and never kept to it, settling to eat at other peoples houses. but was at lucys and had some amazing smelly stilton and i nearly wet myself (that was maybe because i actually did have to pee but i was too busy eating cheese to care.) i love it that my parents were poor and worked their butts off to make the wealth which i can enjoy. see! now im cultured! i can drink wine and put on some bach and eat cheese and speak of my travels in europe. what nonsense. i drink cheap wine, might as well as drink vinegar, steal cheese from lucys house and every conversation about europe starts with ” i was drunk in Vienna and in my stupid blue tent….”. i do listen to bach though so theres class for you! im scum.

2. become a mysterious recluse. i tire of people looking to me for wisdom and joy and humour. the pressure is too immense! now im going to be the mysterious shadow who lurks in the background silently playing the puppet master to the people around me. i think, and many would agree, i TALK TOOO FUCKING MUCH. im only quiet when im tired and even then im having conversations with the voices in my head…anyway maybe i should tone it down a little in case people manipulate the information i divulge to the them to DESTROY ME. (this realisation dawned on me this evening when i introduced myelf to Lucys friend Elliot - whom i have NEVER met - as The Great Destroyer. he stared at me mildly amused and mostly confused and said “lucy never said that.”)

3. Go To England: mainly go back to Nottingham and just relive one day from my past again. also im desperate to see chris whom ive not seen for 6 months now…which is thoroughly depressing because i motherfreaking hate my friends here, they know it, i know it, chris knows it. sigh. i just miss having platonic male companionship. i have no interest in seeing the Inheritance Threat when im there, whose presence and absence is of no consequence to me. she and her rotten medical degree and her rotten Brown Boy and her face…also i really want to buy the heck out of Duchy Original biscuits! which are immensely more expensive in Singapore then England. i strangely miss the cold. i still have my pretty little black pea coat hanging in my closet and even though a button is missing i still look mighty fly in it…

4. sort out my issues: about my future, law, men, relationships, friends, permanence and the ambiguous concepts of love and freedom.

5, get married: no. i was kidding. i have even more firmly decided not to get married. dont spew the usual nonsense about meeting The One and “oh people who say that will always be the first to get married”. no. marriage is a big no. i dont want it and i will consider it a human failure if i ever get married. i really DO want to have a spawn though. already decided. it shall be a child. a girl child. her name will be Tara. i like that name. i dont care that my stupid sister said its a porn star name…if my child chooses to walk down that path then it will be an apt name. i dont think its a porn stars name i think it is a gorgeous name. Tara Rai.

anyway. last day of long weekend tomorrow. its all good. i love being in the house by myself. parent get back tomorrow. and i swear if the Wench bought me a present i am going to make her suposit it.